blogging

2026

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I don’t think 2026 is going to be my year any more than any other year has been my year or the year, but I am approaching this year a little differently because I’m turning 50 this year and I’m feeling this sort of creeping mid-life panic. Maybe not panic, but urgency. This sort of “oh, sh*t” feeling born of the realization that the next phase of my life is going to bring about my physical decline, the empty nest, the loss of even more friends and family… so much to look forward to! (Heavy sarcasm.)

So in the meantime I want to read more books, learn languages, go on adventures with my people while I have them, take care of my body, learn to draw, be more present and engaged in my journey.

Happy New Year 2026.

The oldest thing I own

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What’s the oldest thing you own that you still use daily?

Hmmm… I own a lot of old things. I collect old books, I have some pretty old coins, old photographs, old records. But I don’t use those things regularly. So I would have to say the oldest thing I own that I still use daily would be my body.

My body will be 48 this year and it’s a little worse for wear, with the arthritis, poor eyesight (got my first pair of bifocals last year), and skin beginning to sag.

What a drag it is getting old.

But I do love my body and I’m grateful for it. My body is a vehicle for moving my soul around in 3-D, and while it may not be aesthetically pleasing to some, it is strong and reliable.

If my body were a real vehicle it would look like this one

Classic.

Three Books

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List three books that have had an impact on you. Why?

“Print media is dead,” she whispered to herself as she realized that most of the books that had an impact on her were made obsolete by the internet…

The first book on my list is this one, from the Survival Series for Kids, What To Do When Your Mom or Dad Says, “Clean Your Room”

(Not my photo)

I checked this book out of my school library in 3rd or 4th grade based solely on the title. Nine year old me was like, “awwww yeeeeeah… we’re about to stick it to the man!”

In reality this book was full of very helpful, practical tips on how to clean and organize your room. I still remember and use the information I learned from this book. From making the bed, to folding and hanging clothes, to vacuuming and dusting. This book was great and I still use what I learned from it 40 years later.

The second book on my list is this one- The Practical Guide to Practically Everything

(Also not my photo)

This book was invaluable to me in my twenties. Like many young people, I graduated from school severely lacking in actual life skills. I remember a conversation I had with my roommate at the time that went something like this, “Please help me, I don’t know how to do this very basic thing.” And she responded with, “You need a Practical Guide to Practically Everything!”

She lent me her dad’s copy and I wore it out. This was in the mid-nineties. Now anything you could ever want to know can be searched up on your phone. These truly are amazing times we are living in, but this book will always have a special place in my heart.

My third and final book is this one, A Complaint Free World by Will Bowen

(Again… not my photo)

I read this book in my thirties when I saw it recommended on a friend’s blog. It’s exactly what the cover says, stop complaining and start living. But it’s presented as a 21 day challenge, which gives you an immediate, practical application of the principles presented in the book. No complaining, gossiping, or criticizing anything for 21 days. And the accountability piece is a bracelet you wear on your wrist, and you move it from one wrist to the other whenever you catch yourself complaining, gossiping, or criticizing anything. I never made it 21 days, but just the awareness of how often I was being negative with my words, or even my internal monologue, gave me the opportunity to turn it around. So over time I became much less whiny and much more solution oriented. I still revisit this book. It’s given me a much more positive outlook on life.

So, there you have it. My three impactful books. Down to earth, straightforward, PRACTICAL advice for living in 3-D.

Can’t wait to read others’ responses!

What I’m reading

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What I’m reading:

So I set a new reading goal for 2022. I’d like to read 24 books this year, two books a month. I’m thrilled to say that I’m already ahead of the game for January, as there have been many events this month that have given me cause to escape. It’s been a hard month. But anyway, January’s books were Untamed by Glennon Doyle and The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. Before beginning any reviews, I’d like to thank whatever divine providence brought these two books to me at this time in my life. The timing was uncanny, and these two books, though very different, have very similar themes. And here we go.

Untamed

Author: Glennon Doyle

Why I read it: This book was recommended by a friend several months ago, and apparently I downloaded the audio book when I had some free audible credits and I forgot that I owned it until I finished another book on my kindle and found myself with nothing to read.

Synopsis: Untamed is all about finding your way to your most true and beautiful life by unlearning and unbecoming all of the things the world has expected of you as a human (particularly a female human but not exclusively, the patriarchy hurts men too).

Reaction: I LOVED THIS BOOK SO MUCH. This book spoke to me on so many levels, as a woman of a certain age living in the world, as a mother raising kids in the digital age, and just as a human trying to navigate my humanness. This book is like the wisdom of the ancients, but rather than some pointy headed man pontificating at you, it’s like having coffee with your girlfriend while the two of you untangle life’s challenges together. There were so many times I found myself thinking “YES!! THIS!!” These are the words for so many things I have been feeling but could not say. And I was thrilled when we got to the part about raising sons. And the way she tackles challenging scenarios with wisdom, humor, and wit. So relatable, so easy to love. Highly recommend this book.

Favorite Quotes:

  • “This life is mine alone. So I have stopped asking people for directions to places they’ve never been.”
  • “I can feel everything and survive. What I thought would kill me, didn’t. Every time I said to myself: I can’t take this anymore — I was wrong. The truth was that I could and did take it all — and I kept surviving. Surviving again and again made me less afraid of myself, of other people, of life. I learned that I’d never be free from pain but I could be free from the fear of pain, and that was enough.”
  • “In my thirties, I learned that there is a type of pain in life that I want to feel. It’s the inevitable, excruciating, necessary pain of losing beautiful things: trust, dreams, health, animals, relationships, people. This kind of pain is the price of love, the cost of living a brave, openhearted life — and I’ll pay it. There is another kind of pain that comes not from losing beautiful things but from never even trying for them.”

Book 2

The Alchemist

Author: Paulo Coelho

Why I read it: I bought this book several years ago and it’s been in my TBR pile. I bought it because it seemed like the kind of thing I should read, I liked the cover, and it was recommended for anyone with wanderlust. I finally read it because my work colleague texted me and said “YOU HAVE TO READ THIS BOOK SO WE CAN TALK ABOUT IT!”

Synopsis: The Alchemist is the story of a shepherd boy’s journey to himself. He visits a gypsy woman to have a recurring dream interpreted, and she tells him his treasure lies in the pyramids of Egypt. (This part reminded me of Pee Wee’s Big Adventure… “Your bicycle is in the ALAMO! In the BASEMENT!”) Along the way he meets a cast of characters, each of whom teaches him something important and guides him along the path to his treasure. Throughout his journey he follows omens, he learns to listen to his heart, and ultimately he learns that his treasure has been inside him all along. But he did get to see the pyramids and isn’t that neat?

Reaction: This book reminded me of one of my favorite books of all time, The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery. It takes you on a beautiful journey and teaches timeless life lessons along the way.

Favorite Quotes:

  • “And when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it.”
  • “The simple things are also the most extraordinary things, and only the wise can see them.”
  • “Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure.”
  • “Intuition is really a sudden immersion of the soul into the universal current of life.”

The reason I wanted to thank divine providence for bringing these books to me is because these books, as different as they are, share a common theme. Listen to your heart. Trust your knowing. Your intuition is a gift. At a time when I’ve been looking outwardly for affirmation, for guidance, for help, these books reminded me that everything I need to achieve my ‘personal legend’ is already in me. I’m grateful for the reminder.

Entertain

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“Entertaining a notion, like entertaining a baby cousin or entertaining a pack of hyenas, is a dangerous thing to refuse to do. If you refuse to entertain a baby cousin, the baby cousin may get bored and entertain itself by wandering off and falling down a well. If you refuse to entertain a pack of hyenas, they may become restless and entertain themselves by devouring you. But if you refuse to entertain a notion – which is just a fancy way of saying that you refuse to think about a certain idea – you have to be much braver than someone who is merely facing some blood-thirsty animals, or some parents who are upset to find their little darling at the bottom of a well, because nobody knows what an idea will do when it goes off to entertain itself.” – Lemony Snicket

I’m all out of ideas. I haven’t had a really good idea in a long time. Maybe it’s because I refused to entertain so many of them. They just didn’t seem right at the time, or I was afraid, or I decided someone else would be a better candidate, or whatever. There was always a reason. I can’t do that, I have to take care of my babies. I can’t do that, I have to work. I can’t do that, I don’t have any money. I can’t do that, I don’t have time. I can’t do that, I’m not qualified. There was always a reason.

So the ideas stopped coming. They dried up like mother’s milk. If you don’t use it, you lose it. The brilliant ideas that were meant for me moved on to someone who would entertain them, all because I was too busy spinning my cocoon of comfort and stability.

And now I’m 41 and I’m sooooooooo bored. Work, laundry, dinner, ball practice. Wash, rinse, repeat. And the only thoughts I have beyond scheduling and budgeting and caring for my family is “How can I possibly make more money?”

I’m bored and I’m boring. Trying to envision a big, bold life, but it’s just this nebulous idea I can’t grasp. Maybe I need a vision board. But a vision board implies that you have a vision to begin with. Maybe I need to meditate. I can do that while I fold the laundry or wash the dishes. Maybe I need to journal.

Whatever it takes to attract the muses back. I promise to entertain them this time.

 

 

via Daily Prompt: Entertain

Doubt

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A seed

in a wayward wind it blew,

it lit on me

took root, and grew.

The soil was rich,

and fertile, too.

And from that seed

a vine did sprout-

a pesky weed,

a creeping doubt-

came winding in

and winding out.

It grew so fast

and so complete,

it bound my hands

and bound my feet-

I can’t advance,

I can’t retreat.

This pestilential plant I’ve found

has got me rooted to the ground,

but I can’t make a single sound.

I just let it take me down.

Doubt is such a tricky thing. Even the spelling is tricky. Pretty sneaky, silent b! Doubt is an uncertainty, a mistrusting. It isn’t necessarily a bad thing, I mean, I believe it’s important to face life with a healthy skepticism. You know, take everything with a grain of salt. What I have, and what this poem is referencing, is a crippling self-doubt. A doubt in my abilities, a doubt in my intelligence, a doubt in my worthiness. And this feeling persists regardless of any evidence to contrary. No amount of success has been able to erase it.

Apparently this feeling has a name- impostor syndrome. It’s the feeling that any achievement or success a person may experience is based on luck, or charm, or any other factor rather than actual knowledge, experience, competence, etc. I cannot believe or accept that I’ve earned or deserved any award or accomplishment I’ve received in my whole life ever. All my degrees and certificates are shoved in a box in the back of a closet somewhere because they aren’t real, they are meaningless, and I don’t deserve them. I always feel like I’m in over my head, but at the same time I have to keep pushing myself to do more and be more because I crave validation. Gold stars, pats on the back, affirmations, whatever. I’m a big black hole of need. So I work too much, I take on extra responsibilities, I over-prepare and yet the cycle continues. Nothing is ever enough, nothing satisfies. The voice in my head tells me, “You don’t deserve this.” “Don’t get a big head- nobody likes a know-it-all.” and the one that makes me the most sad, “Who are you to want this, to dream this?”

So in a weird way, impostor syndrome pushes me and holds me back at the same time. I feel like I excel at being mediocre. I’m afraid to try new things because I don’t think I’ll be successful, but even if I was successful it wouldn’t be good enough. I think even if I won a Nobel Prize, the voice in my head would say, “So what? Anybody could do that.”

OK, so you have a problem. But what to do about it? I did some reading and research (because of course I did…) and I found this article from The Muse to be helpful. I need to be more mindful of the way I think and speak about myself and my accomplishments. Stop seeking external validation, and learn to cultivate internal validation. Take risks, try new things, and focus more on the process, not the product. Screw up and be OK with it. And finally, make friends with that inner voice. If I can’t shut her up, at least I don’t have to listen to her.

To this end, I’ve decided every month to try something new, something that pushes me out of my comfort zone. Something I might even (gasp!) NOT BE GOOD AT. Something at which I might even (gulp!) FAIL. I have no idea what this will look like or how it will unfold, because I’m so deeply entrenched in my comfort zone that I can’t even see beyond it. So in the coming days and weeks I’ll be doing some soul searching and reflecting. What is something I’ve always wanted to try? What would I love to do if I wasn’t afraid? Amazingly, these questions draw complete blanks. I have no idea. So I guess this month’s adventure is compiling a list. Which on the surface seems boring and stupid, but hey, you have to start somewhere.

And I’ll learn to embrace my inner impostor along the way.