My favorite animals are the ones that have soft fur, wet noses, whiskers, and soft ears.
But I also like the ones that have feathers and fly and sing.
Oh but then there are the colorful ones that swim. And then there are some of the ones that swim that are really big and curious and smart.
I like the ones with big long necks and the ones with long funny noses that like peanuts but are afraid of mice. Is that really true?
I even like the ones that slither, although I keep my distance. And the ones that crawl, scurry, scamper, or hop. The ones that bray, or neigh, or moo.
What’s the oldest thing you own that you still use daily?
Hmmm… I own a lot of old things. I collect old books, I have some pretty old coins, old photographs, old records. But I don’t use those things regularly. So I would have to say the oldest thing I own that I still use daily would be my body.
My body will be 48 this year and it’s a little worse for wear, with the arthritis, poor eyesight (got my first pair of bifocals last year), and skin beginning to sag.
What a drag it is getting old.
But I do love my body and I’m grateful for it. My body is a vehicle for moving my soul around in 3-D, and while it may not be aesthetically pleasing to some, it is strong and reliable.
If my body were a real vehicle it would look like this one
I understand you’re looking forward to experiencing a carefree moment of joy? Rest assured I have already imagined every single unfortunate event that could befall you, both probable and improbable.
Do you know where the emergency exits are located? I do. And I have planned multiple paths to access them in many different scenarios.
See the thing is my brain believes that the fabric of the universe is woven together with the threads of my anxiety, so if I were to stop worrying about everything the entire universe would collapse.
A woman’s purse is a magical, mysterious thing. I was recently at a party with some old friends and we decided to share (like old friends do) the contents of our purses. It was very much like this scene from The Breakfast Club.
The bag sharing began because my friend asked me to hand her her purse and it was soooooo heavy. So I rhetorically asked, “Jeez! What have you got in there!”
And she very seriously responded.
Her bag had several compartments, and each one had a special purpose. Medications, travel documents, tissues and napkins, lipsticks and make up, fancy pens… all very useful items organized in a way that made sense.
Next she shared with us the weighty items. Why is my purse so heavy? Because I always carry an umbrella and a pack of wet wipes!
Then she pulls out a separate zipper pouch and lets each person guess what’s in it. Sewing kit? No. Make up? No. Money? No.
It was an extra pair of panties.
Cue the audible gasps and giggles.
It’s funny because at our age we aren’t having any wild, sexy adventures that would necessitate an extra pair of panties. No, at our age we cough and pee, sneeze and pee, laugh and pee. What have we become?
Our second friend to share didn’t share the entire contents of her bag, just the items that she carried that were similar to the first friend. She had her wallet, chapsticks, pens and wet wipes.
Then it was my turn. It started out very normally. I also have a wallet, pens and chapsticks! Ooh, and hand creme! All very normal things! Oh, and this is a rock I found, and here are some feathers I found. And what’s this? Oh these are some pieces of popcorn left over from the last time we went to the movies I guess. And here I have a bunch of old candy wrappers and receipts. I have a quarter, a nickel, and a penny.
So basically my purse is full of trash and things I found on the ground.
It was very revealing.
I’m not actually a woman, I’m three raccoons in an overcoat.
Do you remember your favorite book from childhood?
My favorite childhood book was this one, starring lovable, furry old Grover.
This book gave me all the feels. Fear, suspense, sadness, joy…and it was my first experience with dramatic irony. I read this book over and over. It also taught me how important it is to read with expression. My mother always did a very dramatic read of this book and many giggles were shared. Love, love, love this book.
List three books that have had an impact on you. Why?
“Print media is dead,” she whispered to herself as she realized that most of the books that had an impact on her were made obsolete by the internet…
The first book on my list is this one, from the Survival Series for Kids, What To Do When Your Mom or Dad Says, “Clean Your Room”
(Not my photo)
I checked this book out of my school library in 3rd or 4th grade based solely on the title. Nine year old me was like, “awwww yeeeeeah… we’re about to stick it to the man!”
In reality this book was full of very helpful, practical tips on how to clean and organize your room. I still remember and use the information I learned from this book. From making the bed, to folding and hanging clothes, to vacuuming and dusting. This book was great and I still use what I learned from it 40 years later.
The second book on my list is this one- The Practical Guide to Practically Everything
(Also not my photo)
This book was invaluable to me in my twenties. Like many young people, I graduated from school severely lacking in actual life skills. I remember a conversation I had with my roommate at the time that went something like this, “Please help me, I don’t know how to do this very basic thing.” And she responded with, “You need a Practical Guide to Practically Everything!”
She lent me her dad’s copy and I wore it out. This was in the mid-nineties. Now anything you could ever want to know can be searched up on your phone. These truly are amazing times we are living in, but this book will always have a special place in my heart.
My third and final book is this one, A Complaint Free World by Will Bowen
(Again… not my photo)
I read this book in my thirties when I saw it recommended on a friend’s blog. It’s exactly what the cover says, stop complaining and start living. But it’s presented as a 21 day challenge, which gives you an immediate, practical application of the principles presented in the book. No complaining, gossiping, or criticizing anything for 21 days. And the accountability piece is a bracelet you wear on your wrist, and you move it from one wrist to the other whenever you catch yourself complaining, gossiping, or criticizing anything. I never made it 21 days, but just the awareness of how often I was being negative with my words, or even my internal monologue, gave me the opportunity to turn it around. So over time I became much less whiny and much more solution oriented. I still revisit this book. It’s given me a much more positive outlook on life.
So, there you have it. My three impactful books. Down to earth, straightforward, PRACTICAL advice for living in 3-D.
You’re writing your autobiography. What’s your opening sentence?
“I don’t know whose idea it was to drop me – a naked, screaming BABY- into this world, and then give me a LIFE and RESPONSIBILITIES… good grief. I have been inconvenienced. I feel I am entitled to some sort of compensation and I’d like to speak to the manager.”
I know it’s more than one sentence. But honestly, I have this life and I don’t know what to do with it. I feel like… you know how when you were in school and the teacher was giving directions but you didn’t hear because you were drawing or looking out the window and then you look around and everyone is hard at work but you don’t know what the heck is going on and you can’t ask, because you were supposed to be listening. And you don’t want to look stupid, so you just watch what everyone else is doing and try to do that, but you don’t know what THAT is, so you end up looking stupid anyway. And then the teacher is disappointed in you.
I feel like at the end of my life, when I’m facing my final judgement, God will heave an exasperated sigh and say, “What have you been DOING????”
Describe the most ambitious DIY project you’ve ever taken on.
I’m not particularly handy, but I have the best of intentions. So with YouTube and the proper tools I’m… only marginally more skilled than a child. I tried to have a garden once. Growing vegetables counts as DIY, right? You can read all about it here :
If you could permanently ban a word from general usage, which one would it be? Why?
If I could ban any word from general usage, it would be any word with more than one /k/ sound as I find that sound particularly unpleasant. Words like cupcake, kooky, cookie, car key, cuckold, and kick. As well as khaki, caulk, and Kierkegaard.
I would however like to hear more words with -rgle, like gargle, burgle, and hamburglar. I also like words with /s/, /w/, and digraph /sh/, like in the word swashbuckler, which is nearly perfect, even though it does have /k/ in it, it only appears once and perfectly accents the other swishy sounds.
playing in the dappled sunshine 