If humans had taglines, what would yours be?

“Let me do the worrying for you.”

I understand you’re looking forward to experiencing a carefree moment of joy? Rest assured I have already imagined every single unfortunate event that could befall you, both probable and improbable.

Do you know where the emergency exits are located? I do. And I have planned multiple paths to access them in many different scenarios.

See the thing is my brain believes that the fabric of the universe is woven together with the threads of my anxiety, so if I were to stop worrying about everything the entire universe would collapse.

You’re welcome for keeping it all together.